In Between Places: A Journey to From Past to Purpose II

This journey is one of the most exhilarating and challenging things I have ever done in my life. Moving 1000 miles away from my heart is the thorn in my side, but God has been faithful all the way. He placed me right beside everything I need literally.

When my parents and I began looking for apartments I had a whole list. We began going down the list, and even looking at some that were not included. We ended up driving onto this strip that had literally EVERYTHING on it. So we ended up stopping at a complex to take a look. It wasn’t new, it was older than I desired but it looked nice and something in me felt drawn to this place. Now when we started our journey I had no idea where ORU was located. Anyway, we looked at it, and I felt like this was the place. I did not know why, or how but something sat right in my spirit. I told the lady I still wanted to look around, but when I got in the car I felt like I shouldn’t. I ended up signing the lease, and in the process I asked the lady where ORU was located and she said “up the street”!

Guys I was in total shock, like really God!!! ( in a good way) You literally placed me in walking distance of the whole reason I moved. If that was not a sign then I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS!

I’m sure I forgot to tell you when I moved I had not yet been accepted to ORU. I had submitted and transfer for my job, and it come through faster than expected ! So as I felt God pulling me to Oklahoma I just made the necessary moves to make sure I was in obedience.

 

As believers we want to know the details, but God never gives us the details, all he does is give us a glimpse of the final product. All these years I had been operating in my calling, but Oklahoma is the place where God called me to train for my purpose.

There is constant push and pull in my spirit because being in between means transition, and resistance and pressure all at the same time. Being in a new place alone and catapulted me into the arms of Christ. Though sometimes what he asks of me is hard, it is all been worth it, and it has grown me tremendously.

 

Until next time…

E

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In Between Places: A Journey to From Past to Purpose 1

Greetings all It has been a moment since I have posted. As many of you know I recently relocated to Tulsa, Oklahoma  in pursuit of MA in Divinity with a Teaching Concentration. This series of post will be reflective of my journey, I want to share what God is doing and showing me along the way. So here it goes!

 

I recall the many emotions that flooded my being when I began packing my things in NC. There was excitement, doubt, fear, disappointment and joy all at the same time. I was leaving everything I knew behind in order to pursue purpose. I felt God pulling me out of NC. It hurt, it hurt because I was leaving my heart there. Yet in my spirit I knew that God was carrying me, and I knew he had and still has my best interest in mind.

After my last day of work in NC, i went to my parents house and left from there, the drive was about fifteen hours. As we were driving I felt free, I felt like I knew there was something waiting for me in Oklahoma. I watched my parents interact as we drove, I observed the love they had for each other and how proud they were that I was taking this step. They kept telling me how proud they were, but I did not feel deserving of that at all.

I know God has brought me a long way. I was once a young lady burned by her desire for the same-sex. Confused and purposed all at the same time. I felt unworthy, undeserving because my past was so dark. I have always had love for God, but this move was a major statement. I have been delivered from homosexuality for about three years. This move was me leaving my past to fulfill my purpose. Some questioned my move, my answer was and is, I am chasing God.

Many did not understand the magnitude of this move for my life, how stagnant I felt along side of everyone, knowing that God had called me at seventeen but not fully answering until now. I felt behind, I felt like I had missed the opportunity honestly.

Dropping my parents off at the airport was the hardest, because I knew that was it, It was like my parents were giving me back to God completely. In my heart I knew this was me forsaking my mother and father to live a life for Christ. Now when I think of this my mind goes back to Jesus and how Mary and Joseph had to let him go. I am not comparing myself to him and his greatness, but just the thought of letting go and how Jesus had to let everything he loved go to follow the will of his father.

I walked away as they finished going through security, shedding a few tears, exhausted emotionally and ready to sleep. I walked into my apartment and slept most of the day. Things did not feel real, part of me couldn’t comprehend that I had actually done this, I had actually moved halfway across country to chase God. Though I was sad, and physically by myself I knew God had me. I knew he had my back, and that no matter what would come my way he was walking with me.

 

 

To be Continued…

 

 

God is Enough

The message I received in prayer this morning is “God is Enough”
we have lived our whole lives trying to fill voids, whether it be with food or attempting to find love, nothing ever sufficed. Nothing will ever suffice except Christ. When he got on that cross and died for your sins a void was made in every heart. Something unique that only God can fit, God’s fingerprint can only open that vault.
I have ventured through life and tried to fill it with many things, and now at 24 I see that God is enough. He is enough to fill the void. He fills it and it overflows. God is enough.
I know you have been searching for something, I do not know how long you have been searching but I have your answer, and it’s Jesus.
This morning God wants you to know that he is enough for you. He is more than enough, he will fill the space and some. He will give you joy and some. Simply because he is not just a God who fills but he is a God of overflow. He always does more than because he is greater than.
If you have felt lost, and have been searching here is the answer:
Romans 10:8-11 (AMP)
8 But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart”—that is, the word [the message, the basis] of faith which we preach— 9 because if you acknowledge and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord [recognizing His power, authority, and majesty as God], and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 10 For with the heart a person believes [in Christ as Savior] resulting in his justification [that is, being made righteous—being freed of the guilt of sin and made acceptable to God]; and with the mouth he acknowledges and confesses [his faith openly], resulting in and confirming [his] salvation. 11 For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him [whoever adheres to, trusts in, and relies on Him] will not be disappointed [in his expectations].”
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Or maybe your already saved but feel hopeless if so pray this prayer…
Lord, Father of my soul please restore to me the joy of my salvation, you have already won the victory so there is no need to worry. I know you will supply all my needs according to your riches in Glory. God help me to fall in love with you, help me to chase after you, help me be a woman or man after your heart. Let what I do be pleasing in your sight. Lord make every broken place new, and fill me with your spirit. Lord without you I am nothing, i need you. I am coming back to my first love. Lord your are my God my hope is in you. In Jesus name Amen!
I know this post is Long but i have to do what God presses upon my heart and if this touches one life then my job for the day is done….GOD BLESS YOU ALL

with Love, E

Is Race Really The Issue?

This will not be like any other blog you will ever read from me. This will be truth from my heart about a situation I just recently went through.

The other day I decided to go to the movies, now this was not your average movie theater. This was in a suburban neighborhood in the middle of a caucasian area. However, I did not know this before going. I pull up and it is huggggeeeee, and it is the only building within a 10 mile radius. Now I had just got off work so I had on my work pants and a black hoody. I walk in and of course like every black person I looked around for “us”. There were none insight. I immediately felt “out of place”. This theater was amazing on the inside, it was like one of the old timey theaters with the velvet ropes and such. It was beautiful.

I walk up to get my ticket while feeling the stares and uncomfortable vibes, I proceed to the diner INSIDE THE THEATER, were I once again feel the stares. Fast forward to the theater, as I am siting the theater where my movie will play I’m feeding my face, without a breath to spare lol. I went to see Woodlawn by the way, which is an AWESOME MOVIE!!!

Everything was going normally as I am used to the uncomfortable stare, because some people feel as if only they belong in certain areas or only they deserve nice things. The movie was great and that theater was full of diversity, not african american but everything else, which made me feel a little better. The movie was also made by believers so one would assume everyone  had the same beliefs. It felt that way even if it were not accurate information.

The movie was over and I was walking out, and there was a caucasian man, his wife and his two daughters in front of me. I was walking at what I believe to be my regular pace and I see him look back and slow down. He slows down to get in the back of his family as if I was going to cause some sort of harm.

He ends up holding the door for me, and I say thank you and get no response. He also does this for the second door. I keep walking towards my car and make sure I stay far away from them while I do this.

I get in the car and I am on fire inside, absolutely pissed off! Why would he assume I wanted to harm, or steal from them? Was it my clothes? Was it because I was black?

Now the first response I connected it to was my race of course, because this was surely not the first or last time I would encounter this, but it made me mad.

What it really and honestly did was hurt my feelings. I wanted to stop and have a few choice words with him while he was holding the door, I wanted to fight him and his whole family. Yet in the midst of my irritation and rage God began to speak to me.

The enemy wants us to be racist, he wants us to relate everything to race so that we will stay divided and talk badly about other  ethnicities. He wants us to take offense to stupid things, and blow them up to be something it is not.

I had been through that before, not as bad and that time, but that particular time really made me upset. I thought about how hard I have prayed for God to help me become a better woman, and not become someone who is racist. Needless to say it is hard. Yet in that moment God showed me grace, it could have been opposite that day, no matter what color he was.

It is my job to pray for him, and not talk bad about him. I love that man, and i forgave him that day, because it’s not really about race it’s about division. I believe if my generation would grasp that it’s bigger than skin, we could approach everything differently and change our world….We have been placed in stereotypes and and forgotten that we have the power to label ourselves otherwise. People always choose to focus on the bad. I have had all colors and flavors of friends, and their is nothing more power than a group of people with different backgrounds coming together on a common ground. Unity is what we need….

just think about that…

With Love, E