Greetings all It has been a moment since I have posted. As many of you know I recently relocated to Tulsa, Oklahoma in pursuit of MA in Divinity with a Teaching Concentration. This series of post will be reflective of my journey, I want to share what God is doing and showing me along the way. So here it goes!
I recall the many emotions that flooded my being when I began packing my things in NC. There was excitement, doubt, fear, disappointment and joy all at the same time. I was leaving everything I knew behind in order to pursue purpose. I felt God pulling me out of NC. It hurt, it hurt because I was leaving my heart there. Yet in my spirit I knew that God was carrying me, and I knew he had and still has my best interest in mind.
After my last day of work in NC, i went to my parents house and left from there, the drive was about fifteen hours. As we were driving I felt free, I felt like I knew there was something waiting for me in Oklahoma. I watched my parents interact as we drove, I observed the love they had for each other and how proud they were that I was taking this step. They kept telling me how proud they were, but I did not feel deserving of that at all.
I know God has brought me a long way. I was once a young lady burned by her desire for the same-sex. Confused and purposed all at the same time. I felt unworthy, undeserving because my past was so dark. I have always had love for God, but this move was a major statement. I have been delivered from homosexuality for about three years. This move was me leaving my past to fulfill my purpose. Some questioned my move, my answer was and is, I am chasing God.
Many did not understand the magnitude of this move for my life, how stagnant I felt along side of everyone, knowing that God had called me at seventeen but not fully answering until now. I felt behind, I felt like I had missed the opportunity honestly.
Dropping my parents off at the airport was the hardest, because I knew that was it, It was like my parents were giving me back to God completely. In my heart I knew this was me forsaking my mother and father to live a life for Christ. Now when I think of this my mind goes back to Jesus and how Mary and Joseph had to let him go. I am not comparing myself to him and his greatness, but just the thought of letting go and how Jesus had to let everything he loved go to follow the will of his father.
I walked away as they finished going through security, shedding a few tears, exhausted emotionally and ready to sleep. I walked into my apartment and slept most of the day. Things did not feel real, part of me couldn’t comprehend that I had actually done this, I had actually moved halfway across country to chase God. Though I was sad, and physically by myself I knew God had me. I knew he had my back, and that no matter what would come my way he was walking with me.
To be Continued…